what you would do ~ that would never change. I often think of the joy your spirit brought to everything…The camping and fishing trips; the soccer games and track meets ; the family get togethers and picnics. So many wonderful memories…And yet there was supposed to be so much more. I also spend a lot of time dreaming about what might have been. What would it have been like to walk you down the isle when you got married? To watch you with your own family and how our home would have been so alive at the holidays. Yes Heidi…I miss you every moment of every day, but the holidays magnify the fact that you aren’t here…filling the room and our lives with your beautiful joy. I miss you my precious little girl…but I know that somehow your spirit is watching over us, and that gives some little comfort. You will be a part of our lives for as long as we have life…and on the day that I pass from this world…yours will be the first face I look for.

Its Christmas time again, and you aren't here, Heidi. I cannot bear the thoughts of spending Christmas without you again. Its fresh...you being gone...much more than anyone could imagine, after 4 whole years. It doesn't seem like it has been a year, much less four.

I think of you all of the time, my Dearest Heidi. I really have a hard time believing that you are really gone. It just seems like you have gone on a long vacation, or relocated with your job. I still write to you every day letting you know exactly what's going on here at home. But if you were just gone somewhere other than heaven, you would be home for Christmas. I know that you would.

I hear a song on the radio, and I look at your picture on my visor in the car, with tears rolling down my face. I need you more than anything, you know.   You should be giving me some kind of a Christmas list, and we should be going shopping, and laughing, singing Christmas carols, and wrapping and hiding our presents. We should be sharing the secrets of what we have gotten for everyone. I have no one to share those things with anymore. Christmas here without you is no Christmas hardly at all. The sound of Christmas carols brings a huge lump in our throats. We go through a few of the motions, but nothing could ever be the way it was when you were here.

This is the time of year that's either really happy or really sad for people. Its sad for us. Really sad. All the hopes and dreams shattered, and the thoughts of another new year without you here is just not something that we look forward to. Its just not natural for parents to lose a child. Everything has changed for us...everything. The future that we once had is lost.

Heidi, I pray that you are happy, I pray that you are with God in heaven. I pray that you have no pain, or no sadness. I couldn't bear to think of you any other way but happy.

I wonder sometimes  if I can't accept your going away because I never saw you. You just left that night and I never ever saw your beautiful face, held you, or touched you again. I never got to say goodbye.

The dept of my love is astonishing. My love for you and Scott is so strong that nothing could ever change it. Its unconditional and true.

If you can hear me, Heidi...I love you. And I am hoping that you are celebrating Christmas with God and the angels in heaven. I know that you are. I just miss you so terribly, my little girl. I miss you so much that my heart aches so much that it goes right through to my soul.. I don't think that will ever go away.

Be happy, my little Heidi, and be waiting for me when God calls me home. I will be looking for you.  Merry Christmas darling. I love you...with every breath that I take and every beat of my heart.

For Eternity, Mommy

Dear Heidi,

Another year has gone by and I still cant believe that you're not here. Another Holiday season without you still seems surreal.  I think of you every day and around the holidays I remember all the things we used to do. Watching the Christmas specials on television, decorating cookies among a few. No day will ever be the same without you here. I know that one day we will be together again. Until then...keep looking out for me from above, and know that I'll always love you with all my heart and soul, sis.

Love Forever,

Your Brother Scott

Our Dearest Heidi,
We think of you in silence
And often speak your name.
But All that's left to answer
Is Your picture in a frame.
If we could have one lifetime wish
One dream that would come true
We would pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
If tears could build a stairway, and heartaches make a lane
We would walk our way to heaven
To be with you again.

With All of Our Love, Mommy, Daddy, and Scott

~The Empty Chair~


This year when Christmas boughs are draped,
And cards around the doorway taped,
And cookies baked, and green wreaths hung.
And carols in the crisp night sung;
This Christmas cannot be as fair
For in our home, there's an empty chair....
Dear God in Heaven, bless with peace
We feel that Christmas joy has ceased,
For we still grieve and cannot bear
The stillness of that empty chair.
Instill in us a second sight
To see in death a lasting light
Which reassures that though she died
She now kneels before the manger side
To celebrate the blessed birth
More grandly than she could on earth.
And may the visions of your care
Bring hope enough to fill that chair
So Christmas carols may be sung
And Christmas bells may still be rung
And Christmas peace replace all fears
And Christmas joy be felt through our tears.....~
~ author unknown ~

Tears of Christmas In Memory of Heidi

Memories of years gone by
We see our children there
Heidi filled with happiness
Scott with so much flair

Going off on Christmas night
To wait for Christmas dawn
Waking up to find that Santa
Had been there by the morn

Tree all dressed with glory
Cookies and milk was gone
Both of them so happy
Rubbing eyes with yawn

Santa had been there that night
It always was so true
Scott and Heidi running
Scott was tearing through

All his gifts he opened
With speed beyond compare
Heidi smiled and very gently
Opened hers with care

Eyes were bright with happiness
Each child so filled with glee
Every special gift received
It made them so happy

Glory of these days
They remain within our hearts
They never never leave us
To us they are a part

Memories we've gathered
Each Christmas we were blessed
Children who were so adored
Life for us the best

Going off to Grandma's
Another Christmas treat
When all of us would gather
Traditions blest so sweet

Each one of us so happy
Who knew that we would be
Sharing all our days now
With memories sadly

Our Heidi in the prime of life
She left the earth one day
In just a blink of teary eye
Her life was gone away

Sorrow fills our hearts today
Such emptiness within
Lost our Heidi in a breath
How do you begin

To know this sorrow and this pain
It comes to you each day
Little things around the house
Mementos that will stay

Oh our heart it grieves us so
Our child we'll never see
Walking in a wedding dress
Or kissed by her family

We try to muddle through the hurt
With memories of good times
But tears fall down upon our face
As emotions seem to climb

Our son a blessing always there
Our family still arrives
But Heidi's chair is empty now
As tears do fill our eyes

Each night before I go to sleep
I look up in the sky
I always know my little girl
Is always standing by

But deep within the hurt so bad
Each one of us do grieve
We want to have our Heidi here
But silence we perceive

Yet in our hearts we hear her laugh
We see her smile each day
Walking in and saying Hi
In her most enchanting way

Christmas day has now arrived
Another year gone by
All of us will gather here
As tears do fill our eyes

We say a prayer and hope she knows
That on this earth she lives
Within our hearts forever there
The love that Heidi gives

Each day we always miss her
But Christmas not the same
For in our hearts a special voice
It echoes once again.

Merry Christmas Heidi
Love Mom, Dad, Scott and Family

~ Francine Pucillo ~

When we lose our parents we lose our past.
When we lose our spouse or sibling we lose our present.
When we lose our child we lose our future. 

When we lose our parents, we are orphans,
When we lose our spouse, we are widows or widowers,
But there is no word for a parent who has lost their child........